First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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