You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
