i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
