When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
And the cops told us we were all naked.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
