Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
