____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
