its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
