We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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