I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
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He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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