The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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