I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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