It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
