He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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