Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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