The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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