Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
