Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
