I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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