When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
