i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
