im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
