dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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