News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
