Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
