If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
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