I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
