he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
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