The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
