he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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