i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
