Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
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