I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
