who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
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