He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
