im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
