You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
