I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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