There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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