Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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