I feel great
I just peed on a car
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
