But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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