i just wanna soil my oats bro
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
