you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
