so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
