ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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