party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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