me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
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