if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
that is very illegal...i love you.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
