Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Randomize
