what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
