so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
