I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
