I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
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I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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