Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
