Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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