The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
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