We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
