your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He better not be in your backpack
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
