Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
