sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
